


The Moon in Grey Areas

by Janettelle



Series: Tsukishima is my MC [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Advice, Friendship, High School, Insecurity, M/M, No Plot, just a lot of talking, no love, teenage angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:48:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26012146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janettelle/pseuds/Janettelle
Summary: Tsukishima feels uncertain af but he doesn't like to talk about his feelings. Except maybe with Sugawara because he is the mother of the team.Set in the middle of Season 2 Episode 14
Series: Tsukishima is my MC [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068629
Kudos: 11





	The Moon in Grey Areas

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fic about Tsukki getting life lessons from Suga, because I like the idea of his smart ass actually having to shut up and listen to someone else for a while. This is set in Season 2 Episode 14 (the night) before Kei goes to practise with his brother's college volleyball team.

Tsukishima Kei thinks that in general, he doesn't need advice. He also thinks he shouldn't give advice, especially when the person potentially receiving it is older and (potentially) wiser than him, like Sugawara Koushi. It is hard to gain his respect, but Sugawara is one of the few people Tsukishima acknowledges as skilful, analytical, with a good head on his shoulders and a great character. Of course, he's not the only one who is compassionate in the Karasuno volleyball team, but for some reason he exudes a gentle warmth Tsukishima can only describe as comforting.

It is probably for these reasons he never really talks back to Sugawara even if he teases him. It is also probably for these reasons he has ended up practicing with him after school, even though Tsukishima despises extra training.

“Maybe I should jump when I toss?”

“Would it affect your aim?”

“Hm, perhaps minutely.”

“It's okay then. I’d rather an accurate toss than a quick one.”

Sugawara looked over at Tsukishima, his junior by two years, seemingly unconcerned with improving his spike. He wore the same expression during Karasuno's volleyball trainings: a mix of boredom and disdain. But lately, Sugawara had noticed a hint of curiosity in his eyes. Always an optimist, he thought perhaps the recent training camp in Tokyo had provoked some kind of change in their stoic middle blocker.

When they happened to meet at the school gates earlier, Sugawara invited Tsukishima to a private practice session on a whim, stating that he wanted to practice tossing for the blonde first year. He was pleasantly surprised when Tsukishima agreed, although now he suspected the latter was just being polite.

“Let's try it anyway.”

“Okay.”

Sugawara didn’t usually jump during his tosses, but he was considering the need to compensate for the height difference between him and Tsukishima. They attempted maybe three or four rounds to get the volleyball to a comfortable height, but even though Tsukishima hit the ball every time, Sugawara still felt like some of his power was being held back.

“Tsukishima, am I tossing high enough?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

Tsukishima bit his lip and nodded begrudgingly. Sugawara frowned, wondering now if it was his unwillingness to engage with others that had increased, rather than his curiosity. He was contemplating how Daichi would handle this situation when he recalled the Fukurodani and Nekoma captains had convinced Tsukishima to train with them in Tokyo. An idea struck him.

“Maybe we should stop here? I think you get tired easily, don't you?”

Sugawara swore he saw a slight twitch in Tsukishima's eyebrows.

“No, I'm fine.”

“Really? I mean, I would understand if you-”

“Yes. Let's try again.”

Once Tsukishima gave his okay, Sugawara threw the ball to him, who sent it back with his forearms and then sprinted to the net. Sugawara raised his arms, jumped to meet the ball halfway, and tossed it with a much deeper bend of his elbows.

Tsukishima felt the volleyball with the pads of his palm rather than the centre this time, and brought down a powerful spike. The landing was also where he’d intended: slightly further down the court. As he dropped, he stretched his palm slightly to counteract the sting.

“There it is!”

“Nice toss.”

“No thanks to you. It is a little insulting that you think I can't handle a little bit of direction, Tsukishima.”

Tsukishima bristled a little. He preferred people speaking directly to him, for sure, but that didn't mean it wasn't uncomfortable. He bowed his head apologetically.

“On the court, you're not my junior, you're my team mate,” Sugawara continued.

“I didn't want to be rude to _you_ , Sugawara-san.”

Tsukishima wasn't one to hide his opinion of people, so the setter wasn't unaware that he was in the middle blocker's good books. Nevertheless, Sugawara giggled, his mood boosted from the unspoken praise and Tsukishima's uneasiness. Honestly, he looked as if he had revealed his darkest secret instead of who he thought well of.

“I'm glad you're being respectful, but relax a little. Let's try just a couple more tosses, and you _will_ tell me if I'm not tossing high enough.”

“Yes, Sugawara-san.”

-

A little over an hour later, Tsukishima sat down on the bench at the court side, panting as he towelled himself off. Sugawara picked up a nearby volleyball, tossing it into the volleyball cart.

“So, this is how Kuroo and Bokuto got you to practice with them.”

“Excuse me?”

“You can't stand being told what you can or can't do, Tsukishima-kun.”

The middle blocker looked as if he was choking on a fish bone as Sugawara explained that he had falsely asserted Tsukishima's fatigue to prick his ego. The latter clicked his tongue in irritation, but quickly masked his expression once he noticed his senior grinning widely.

“Let's end here. I think we're familiar with each other's timings now.”

“Yay...”

Sugawara playfully threw a volleyball at Tsukishima, who demonstrated his quick reflexes by catching it with one hand.

“Please watch it, Sugawara-san.”

“Ah, sorry, sorry,” Sugawara chuckling unapologetically as he sat down beside the blonde, taking a swig of water from his bottle. He leaned back on his hands, listening to the sound of the fluorescent lights buzzing in the gymnasium. Beside him, Tsukishima folded up his towel and picked up a volleyball near his feet.

“Sugawara-san.”

Sugawara let out a questioning “Hm?” and turned to Tsukishima, blinking in surprise when he noticed a sudden meekness about the giant blonde: Tsukishima was rolling the volleyball between his palms, eyes down, biting his lip. It gave him the vibe of a young child waiting in front of the principal's office for his punishment, which was strange since Tsukishima towered over most of the Karasuno players even while sitting down.

“Yes?”

“I don't... I don't want to offend you...”

Tsukishima licked his lips to continue, but nothing came out. Sugawara waited patiently, thinking back to the numerous times the second years had approached him for advice. Ennoshita had been the most recent, with his concerns that his newfound enthusiasm would provoke irritation since he had never been the most active in training. It was usually entertaining, but Sugawara also felt a strange satisfaction when he was able to shed light on their troubles. He really didn't mind being called the team's mother.

“I've been thinking, compared to everyone else... I'm quite happy to be adequate,” Tsukishima began, feeling as if he would rather gnaw his arm off right now, “I think it's because I'm a regular so I don't I practice with this... desire to be better.”

“Okay.”

“I'm sorry if-”

“No, don't worry about it.”

“It's just that everyone else has this...” Tsukishima stood up suddenly, looking around for the right words in the volleyball court, “They just have so much energy? Even right after the match with Kadokawa, everyone started talking about new techniques, extra practices, finding ways to improve. They're always so _passionate._ I'm not... I wonder if I'm...”

Tsukishima stopped himself, unable to continue. He tried to look anywhere but at Sugawara, who probably spotted the reddening at the top of his ears and was busy filing that observation away in his mind for future teasing.

“Everyone adds to the team in their own unique way, Tsukishima-kun. You don't have to be insecure about being like everyone else.”

“I'm not insecure...”

Sugawara watched his junior pace around. _Tsukki_ _is terribly smart_ , he thinks with a gentle smile, _but also, so unaware._

“I just think it's not enough.”

“Who said so?”

Tsukishima's head snaps towards Sugawara.

“Who...?”

“That it's not enough. Who said that?”

“I... I said that-”

“I don't think you generated that opinion on your own.”

There was a dull ache throbbing in Tsukishima's knuckles as he pressed his fingers harder into the volleyball he held.

“Was it Coach Ukai? I think the fact that you're on the regular team shows his opinion more than anything else, though.”

“It wasn't Coach Ukai.”

“Then one of the second years? They shouldn't be telling you how to motivate yourself-”

Tsukishima scoffs loudly, “That's for sure. I don't really listen to them. Or the third years,” he hesitated and glanced warily at Sugawara, “Not that I don't respect your opinions, of course.”

“Of course. So that leaves the first years-”

“I definitely don't care what Hinata or Kageyama think.”

“I didn't think so.”

“It's just...”

Tsukishima's reluctance to say his true feelings was too adorable. If there was camera inside Sugawara's head, it would see an inner-Sugawara fitfully resembling a heart-eye emoji, fists bunched in his cheeks. Thankfully, the blonde couldn't read minds.

“...Just Yamaguchi.”

“I see.” _Of course,_ _the closest_ _friend._

“He didn't say it wasn't enough, he just... he worries for me when _I'm_ not worried, and so I end up worrying that... not worrying isn't good enough.”

It was obvious Tsukishima viewed his clumsy phrasing with disgust. He let out an uncharacteristic grunt and tossed the volleyball in his hands into the ball cart. Sugawara found it terribly enjoyable watching Tsukishima catch himself with uncomfortable thoughts. He knew the first year was not very talkative, and chose his words carefully. Sugawara pondered for a moment if Yamaguchi had ever seen his childhood friend reveal this much.

“But this is just a club,” he muttered. Sugawara had a hunch Tsukishima had said this to himself numerous times in the last week. “I shouldn't be worried about whether I should be better, or if I'm practicing enough. After I graduate, I probably won't even play volleyball anymore.”

“But you are, aren't you.”

Tsukishima doesn't react because it is a statement, not a question, but Sugawara can tell he hit a nerve. He started to walk around, picking up the scattered volleyballs in the court and Tsukishima followed suit. When all of them were back in the cart, Sugawara glanced over at Tsukishima.

“To be clear, you did _cho_ _o_ _se_ to join the volleyball club, didn't you?”

“... Yes.”

“Okay.”

Sugawara started towards one end of the volleyball net. Tsukishima went to the other end, wishing the sensation of something swirling in his stomach would go away. He knew Sugawara wanted to be careful with his words, but his willingness to participate in this conversation was disappearing by the second.

“Why do you think Yamaguchi wants you to be better?”

Tsukishima paused as Sugawara tugs at the net and starts folding it inwards towards him.

“I think... I think Yamaguchi genuinely loves volleyball now. He didn't before. He is working hard, trying to be a bigger part of this team. As his friend, he probably wants me to match his enthusiasm or something...”

“Don't you think he wants you to be better for _you_?”

This time Tsukishima doesn't respond because he never thought about Yamaguchi this way. He knew his friend was kind but this was almost invasive: why should he care if Tsukishima wanted to work hard or not? How did it affect him?

_Tsukki has been really uncool lately!_

“Also, I am not going to assume what goes on inside your head,” Sugawara continues as he folds the net into Tsukishima's hands, oblivious to the loud voice in the blonde's head, “But I don't think you're as dispassionate as you think you are. I just think the way you express it is a lot less... intense.”

Sugawara grabs the net posts and rolls them the store room. After packing the equipment inside, they lock up the store room and head to the bench where their belongings were.

“Am I pulling the club down?”

Now it was Sugawara's turn to frown at Tsukishima, who was avoiding eye contact and biting his lip.

“I don't think so. If you were, I'm sure Coach Ukai would tell you. Anyway this club is for _all_ of us, which includes you, Tsukishima. You can grow at your own pace.”

“But the rest of the team-”

“This is a team sport, you can expect someone to cover for your lapses. As you have covered for some of ours.”

“So it is a lapse.”

Sugawara whacks Tsukishima's arm, shocking him.

“I said you don't have to be like everyone else, didn't I?”

“Do you wish I was more passionate, Sugawara-san?”

“Hmm...” Sugawara drags out his thoughtful tone as they pick up their belongings, and Tsukishima tries his best to act like he doesn't actually care about the answer, “I wish I could see it more. But like I said, I don't think you lack passion.”

“How do you know?”

“You agreed to practice with me, didn't you? Just like how you practiced with the captains of Fukurodani and Nekomata, too. If you really didn't care, no amount of goading could get you to do that.”

“But-”

“Plus, I think we have enough noisy people on the team, don't you? It's nice to know there are some of us who know how to behave in public and, god forbid, conserve their damn energy before a game.”

They step out of the gym and the cold air hits them both. Their breaths escape as white puffs into the night.

“It's getting cold. We should get changed quickly,” Sugawara locks up the gym and smiles at Tsukishima. The latter nods vaguely, obviously still thinking about Sugawara's last comment.

“Bokuto said,” Tsukishima spoke as they enter the club room, “there's a moment when you fall in love with volleyball, when you're good enough.”

“Did he now?”

“I wondered if that would happen to me.”

“Well, your friends would not judge you if you don't have that moment. And that almost sounds like you think you're not good enough, which you and I both know isn't true, Tsukishima. Especially when you actually try.”

“Th...Thanks.”

Sugawara takes this chance to pat his junior on the head. Tsukishima is uncomfortable, but doesn't retort. It seemed like receiving compliments, just like revealing an inner emotional conflict, was high on Tsukishima's scale of painful experiences.

“On the other hand, it's not something that will just happen if you don't work at it, isn't it? Like a relationship. Ifthere is something you want to experience, you probably need to work hard to create the opportunities for it to occur.”

“Create opportunities... ”

“Like these practice sessions, or our games,” Tsukishima blinked and turned to Sugawara, shirt buttoning process halted.

“Just think of it as, ah... Like, we do extra training to get more physical options, more flexibility in our choices, right? It makes sense that it would give us more emotional options too. Maybe more range beyond salty remarks.”

Tsukishima sulked at this, but once again, kept quiet. They stayed that way even after changing, and as they left the club room Sugawara could almost hear all the gears in Tsukishima's head intensely working through his brain. He finally works up to a final question just as they reached the school gates, and from the looks of his face, Sugawara knew it was something Tsukishima had been dying to ask since the start of their conversation.

“Sugawara-san.”

“At your service.”

“Do you think I could block Ushijima?”

“Hm. I think telling you what I think doesn't matter if you already don't think so.”

Tsukishima nodded slowly, hands gripping tighter on the handles of his school bag. Sugawara suddenly felt a surge of regret. Until today, the third year always mistakenly assumed that Tsukishima's intimidating presence connoted maturity; in fact, he never really considered the teenager as insecure.

 _In the en_ _d,_ _smarts and intellect can only go so far_ , reflected Sugawara in his mind. _Everyone_ _is learning, and they_ _need confidence in_ _themselves while they do_ _._

He placed a hand on Tsukishima's shoulder, making sure the latter's amber eyes were fully engaged with his brown ones, and squeezed.

“But, I imagine you could. And I wonder what feelings you would experience then.”

-

“Free practice!" Ukai blew his whistle as the Karasuno team members dispersed to various parts of the gym.

It was a while later when Sugawara heard a yell and looked over at Tsukishima at the side of the gym, who had obviously done something to his fellow first year: Hinata was rolling around the floor, screaming something about a diarrhoea pressure point. As he was about to walk out of the gym, Sugawara called out to him.

“Tsukishima! I was wondering if you wanted to work on spiking my tosses again?”

“Sorry, I'm feeling a little tired so I'm going to head home early.”

Sugawara cocked his head to the side and frowned. There was something off about Tsukishima's well-worn excuse, but it was hard to pinpoint what it was exactly.

“Did Hinata say something stupid again?”

Tsukishima turned and fully registered it was Sugawara speaking to him. He bowed politely.

“Not more than he usually does.”

He made to leave the gym again, but hesitated at the bottom of the steps. He didn't want to be rude to Sugawara, especially after the (to him, highly embarrassing) heartfelt conversation the previous night. Tsukishima turned back and tried to look at Sugawara, but found the latter's sneakers much more interesting.

“I, ah, I think we're in a good place after yesterday's practice.”

Sugawara felt his motherly instincts kick in. Tsukishima opened and closed his mouth several times, pressing his thumbs into his water bottle. It seemed like all the nervous energy was being concentrated in his fingers. Sugawara realised this was his habit whenever Tsukishima felt nervous.

“I see.”

“I think I have other things I want to work on,” Tsukishima persisted, and raised his head to meet Sugawara's eyes.

“I have to create more opportunities for myself.”

As Tsukishima bowed and took his leave, Sugawara watched his back, pridefully tall, not betraying any of the uncertainty he felt the night before. He wasn't a talkative person, and he always chose his words carefully. For that reason, Sugawara felt reassured.

For that reason, he had a gut feeling that Tsukishima was not going home just yet.

**Author's Note:**

> I have thought about other situations where Sugamama's advice hour for Tsukki would / should happen but this one was the first. I'm not entirely satisfied with this one-shot so I may continue, but for now the itch is scratched. Hope you enjoyed reading!


End file.
